Blotter Paper

It used to be about politics, I guess now it's kind of about books. I miss being brash and in-your-face

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    Dear Graduate Admissions committee members…I can see you

    Posted by blotterpaper on January 28, 2010

    I know this might be hard to believe, given the oh-so-retro totally standard theme and look of this site…but I have maybe one regular reader. Maybe. So when I get twenty or thirty hits on a given day, and they’re from an academic IP address at a school attended by no one I know…I’m going to guess it’s you. Or maybe I have shy, adorable stalkers. They glimpsed me from afar in high school, and they’ve never since been able to forget me.  Yeah…right. It’s okay guys, I forgive you. I would definitely never admit anyone to my program, or hire them, or date them, or really engage in any sort of extended interaction with a person (at least not one in which I had the power-advantage) without googling that person and reading their blog.

    But this kind of gives me an interesting opportunity. I mean, sure, I turned in a personal statement. But a personal statement has all these, like, rules, you know? Like, totes bogus word counts. And stuff you’re supposed to say because they ask you to say it. So I was like, here’s an opportunity to reveal all these other facts about me that they totally did not know. But I don’t know, that sounds sort of needy. And honestly, kind of dull (not for you, I’m sure it’d be fascinating for you, I meant dull for me — although I guess reading seven hundred personal statements probably familiarizes you with just about every sad, thoughtful, amusing, or pathetic fact a person can possibly whip out about themselves). About the only thing I’d like to point out to you is that I am almost exactly two meters, or six feet and seven inches, tall. It’s kind of weird to think that anyone who knows me primarily from some textual medium would not know that, since it’s obviously the first thing anyone who sees me realizes about me and it colors every facet of my life in a way that I am utterly unable to appreciate.

    Instead I just decided to do something I’ve been wanting to do for a year. Last year, around this time, I read a bunch of peoples’ lists of all the books they’d read in the previous year. And I was like, “Wow, that is so cool, I am going to start logging the books I have read and then I will post them on the internet”. And that is exactly what I’ve done. My only criteria for the list were that the books had to be ones I’ve read for the first time this year, so I did not include anything I re-read (like the ten or so works of glorious military science fiction that I inevitably read year after year after year). Well then, the list is as follows:

    Lucky Jim Amis, Kingsley
    Octavian Nothing: The Pox Party Anderson, M. T.
    Octavian Nothing: Kingdom on the Waves Anderson, M. T.
    Eichmann in Jerusalem Arendt, Hannah
    The Human Condition Arendt, Hannah
    Bitten Armstrong, Kelley
    Stolen Armstrong, Kelley
    Dime Store Magic Armstrong, Kelley
    Meditations Aurelius, Marcus
    Emma Austen, Jane
    Pump Six and Other Stories Bacigalupi, Paolo
    Friday Night Lights Bissinger, A. J.
    Sway Brafman, Ori and Rom
    Ordinary Men: Reserve Police Battalion 101 and the Final Solution in Poland Browning, Christopher R
    If on a winter’s night a traveler Calvino, Italo
    The Plague Camus, Albert
    Breakfast at Tiffany’s Capote, Truman
    The Seagull Chekhov, Anton
    Three Sisters Chekhov, Anton
    Heart of Darkness Conrad, Joseph
    White Noise Delillo, Don
    Scanner Darkly Dick, Phillip K.
    Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said Dick, Phillip K.
    The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldrich Dick, Phillip K.
    Notes from the Underground Dostoyevsky, Fyodor
    Brothers Karamozov Dostoyevsky, Fyodor
    Dark Integers and Other Stories Egan, Greg
    Rules of Attraction Ellis, Brett Easton
    Madame Bovary Flaubert, Gustave
    Sentimental Education Flaubert, Gustave
    On Moral Fiction Gardner, John
    Futures from Nature Gee, Henry
    The Hungry Tide Ghosh, Amitav
    Outliers Gladwell, Malcolm
    Sorrows of Young Werther Goethe, J. W. von
    Dead Souls Gogol, Nikolai
    Dead Until Dark Harris, Charlaine
    Living Dead in Dallas Harris, Charlaine
    Club Dead Harris, Charlaine
    Dead to the World Harris, Charlaine
    Dead as a Doornail Harris, Charlaine
    Definitely Dead Harris, Charlaine
    The Trial of Henry Kissinger Hitchens, Christopher
    The Iliad Homer
    Whatever Houellebecq, Michel
    Escape Jessop, Carolyn
    The Trial Kafka, Franz
    Woman in the Dunes Kobo, Abe
    Under the Banner of Heaven Krakeur, Jon
    The Structure of Scientific Revolutions Kuhn, Thomas
    Trampoline Link, Kelly
    Pretty Monsters Link, Kelly
    Under the Volcano Lowry, Malcolm
    Bright Lights, Big City McInerney, Jay
    Recessional Michener, James
    Paradise Lost Milton, John
    Watchmen Moore, Alan
    Twilight Myers, Stephanie
    New Moon Myers, Stephanie
    Eclipse Myers, Stephanie
    Breaking Dawn Myers, Stephanie
    Invitation to a Beheading Nabokov, Vladimir
    Pale Fire Nabokov, Vladimir
    Lolita Nabokov, Vladimir
    Ramayana Narayan, R. K.
    The Time Traveller’s Wife Nifennegger, Audrey
    A Good Man Is Hard To Find O’Connor, Flannery
    like a diamond in the sky Omar, Shazia
    Confessions of an Economic Hit Man Perkins, John
    The Human Stain Philip Roth
    I Was Dora Suarez Raymond, Derek
    Confessions Rousseau, Jean Jacques
    Complete Persepolis Satrapi, Marjane
    When You Are Engulfed In Flames Sedaris, David
    The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society Shaffer, Mary Ann and Annie Barrows
    Richard III Shakespeare, William
    Life During Wartime Shepard, Lucius
    The Scalehunter’s Beautiful Daughter Shepard, Lucius
    Maus One Spielman, Art
    Maus Two Spielman, Art
    Divine Invasions: A Life of Dick Sutin, Lawrence
    A Part of the Whole Toltz, Stephen
    Gang Leader For A Day Venkatesh, Sudhir
    Brief Interviews With Hideous Men Wallace, David Foster
    Infinite Jest Wallace, David Foster
    A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again Wallace, David Foster
    Consider the Lobster: Essays Wallace, David Foster
    Oblivion: Stories Wallace, David Foster
    Good in Bed Weiner, Jennifer
    The Illustrated History of American Empire Zinn, Howard
    Y: The Last Man 1-6
    Ex Machina: Several

    That is 92 books. Which is not particularly astounding, but it’s certainly not bad either. And I think this list is a perfect example of the kind of sullied mind you’d be admitting into your graduate program. Let’s see what leaps out at us

    • Paranormal romance novels – 13 – Not only did I read the entire Twilight series (which one could conceivably pass off as cultural studies), I also read the first six books in Charlaine Harris’ Southern Vampire Mysteries (the inspiration for the HBO series True Blood. I read all six books in one booze-fuelled weekend), as well as three books in Kelley Armstrong’s Women of the Otherworld series. My main issue with paranormal fantasy is that you always get drawn in by this potent relationship between the main dude and the (usually witty, usually bad-ass) heroine. But then, you get a few books and suddenly the woman is knee deep in some totally magical dudes, and you’re no longer able to convince yourself that any of them is really worth anything. That’s why I gave up on Kelley Armstrong and Charlaine Harris. Twilight actually kind of avoids this paradigm (and a lot of standard paranormal fantasy tropes), which is kind of interesting.
    • Nonfiction – 19 (albeit under an absurdly idiosyncratic categorization that counts Rousseau’s Confessions – the work of a man who was certifiably insane – but not Satrapi’s Persepolis, which is autobiographical) – I was kind of surprised there were so many. But a bunch of them were that crunchy fluff that is actually kind of pernicious; the kind that dumbs down and simplifies the world in order to brainwash smart people. Stuff like Sway and Outliers and everything Christopher Hitchens has ever had the gall to commit to paper.
    • Science Fiction – 11 – But that’s under a disappointing metric that counts Don Delillo’s White Noise and David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest…however, if those are not SF, then what is?
    • Graphic novels – 6 – I guess the exact number depends on how you slice them, since I counted the two parts of Maus as two, but the two parts of the Complete Persepolis as one. I’d actually never really read a graphic novel before this year and – to be honest – I wasn’t extraordinarily taken with the form. The Watchmen was great, the first part of Persepolis was pretty fun, and the rest were merely kind of pleasant.
    • Fantasy – 6 (19 including paranormal romance) – I also included Pale Fire and Invitation to a Beheading in this category, because, you know…there’s magic in them. But I did not include the Ramayana or the Iliad, because I do what I want.
    • Books by David Foster Wallace – 5 – Infinite Jest was totally sweet, don’t get me wrong. But the DFW works that really blew me away were his essay collections. The main problem, for me, with essays has always been that they seemed to require actual research. Now I just know you need an engaging tone. For awhile, imitating him kind of blew my writing to hell, but I think I am mostly over it now.

    I was going to include a best and worst list, but it would have just amounted to me saying, “Wow, Paradise Lost is totally sweet…” and I think the annals of criticism have enough of that to last it a few centuries. So yes, grad admissions folks, look around, make yourself at home. Read my post on Jhumpa Lahiri for something slightly less playful (the numerous missing words in that post do not come from me sucking at writing things down, but from me going back and inserting words and moving them around and changing wordings…you’ll notice this post does not suffer from that problem, because I have not edited it at all). This blog is both public and under my own name, and I’m pretty sure that I’m not embarrassed by anything on it.

    Lucky Jim

    Amis, Kingsley

    Octavian Nothing: The Pox Party

    Anderson, M. T.

    Octavian Nothing: Kingdom on the Waves

    Anderson, M. T.

    Eichmann in Jerusalem

    Arendt, Hannah

    The Human Condition

    Arendt, Hannah

    Bitten

    Armstrong, Kelley

    Stolen

    Armstrong, Kelley

    Dime Store Magic

    Armstrong, Kelley

    Meditations

    Aurelius, Marcus

    Emma

    Austen, Jane

    Pump Six and Other Stories

    Bacigalupi, Paolo

    Friday Night Lights

    Bissinger, A. J.

    Sway

    Brafman, Ori and Rom

    Ordinary Men: Reserve Police Battalion 101 and the Final Solution in Poland

    Browning, Christopher R

    If on a winter’s night a traveler

    Calvino, Italo

    The Plague

    Camus, Albert

    Breakfast at Tiffany’s

    Capote, Truman

    The Seagull

    Chekhov, Anton

    Three Sisters

    Chekhov, Anton

    Heart of Darkness

    Conrad, Joseph

    White Noise

    Delillo, Don

    Scanner Darkly

    Dick, Phillip K.

    Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said

    Dick, Phillip K.

    The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldrich

    Dick, Phillip K.

    Notes from the Underground

    Dostoyevsky, Fyodor

    Brothers Karamozov

    Dostoyevsky, Fyodor

    Dark Integers and Other Stories

    Egan, Greg

    Rules of Attraction

    Ellis, Brett Easton

    Madame Bovary

    Flaubert, Gustave

    Sentimental Education

    Flaubert, Gustave

    On Moral Fiction

    Gardner, John

    Futures from Nature

    Gee, Henry

    The Hungry Tide

    Ghosh, Amitav

    Outliers

    Gladwell, Malcolm

    Sorrows of Young Werther

    Goethe, J. W. von

    Dead Souls

    Gogol, Nikolai

    Dead Until Dark

    Harris, Charlaine

    Living Dead in Dallas

    Harris, Charlaine

    Club Dead

    Harris, Charlaine

    Dead to the World

    Harris, Charlaine

    Dead as a Doornail

    Harris, Charlaine

    Definitely Dead

    Harris, Charlaine

    The Trial of Henry Kissinger

    Hitchens, Christopher

    The Iliad

    Homer

    Whatever

    Houellebecq, Michel

    Escape

    Jessop, Carolyn

    The Trial

    Kafka, Franz

    Woman in the Dunes

    Kobo, Abe

    Under the Banner of Heaven

    Krakeur, Jon

    The Structure of Scientific Revolutions

    Kuhn, Thomas

    Trampoline

    Link, Kelly

    Pretty Monsters

    Link, Kelly

    Under the Volcano

    Lowry, Malcolm

    Bright Lights, Big City

    McInerney, Jay

    Recessional

    Michener, James

    Paradise Lost

    Milton, John

    Watchmen

    Moore, Alan

    Twilight

    Myers, Stephanie

    New Moon

    Myers, Stephanie

    Eclipse

    Myers, Stephanie

    Breaking Dawn

    Myers, Stephanie

    Invitation to a Beheading

    Nabokov, Vladimir

    Pale Fire

    Nabokov, Vladimir

    Lolita

    Nabokov, Vladimir

    Ramayana

    Narayan, R. K.

    The Time Traveller’s Wife

    Nifennegger, Audrey

    A Good Man Is Hard To Find

    O’Connor, Flannery

    like a diamond in the sky

    Omar, Shazia

    Confessions of an Economic Hit Man

    Perkins, John

    The Human Stain

    Philip Roth

    I Was Dora Suarez

    Raymond, Derek

    Confessions

    Rousseau, Jean Jacques

    Complete Persepolis

    Satrapi, Marjane

    When You Are Engulfed In Flames

    Sedaris, David

    The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

    Shaffer, Mary Ann and Annie Barrows

    Richard III

    Shakespeare, William

    Life During Wartime

    Shepard, Lucius

    The Scalehunter’s Beautiful Daughter

    Shepard, Lucius

    Maus One

    Spielman, Art

    Maus Two

    Spielman, Art

    Divine Invasions: A Life of Dick

    Sutin, Lawrence

    A Part of the Whole

    Toltz, Stephen

    Gang Leader For A Day

    Venkatesh, Sudhir

    Brief Interviews With Hideous Men

    Wallace, David Foster

    Infinite Jest

    Wallace, David Foster

    A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again

    Wallace, David Foster

    Consider the Lobster: Essays

    Wallace, David Foster

    Oblivion: Stories

    Wallace, David Foster

    Good in Bed

    Weiner, Jennifer

    The Illustrated History of American Empire

    Zinn, Howard

    Y: The Last Man 1-6

    Ex Machina: Several

    2 Responses to “Dear Graduate Admissions committee members…I can see you”

    1. Tang said

      ::envy:: Certainly in the last five months, I’ve barely had time to crack anything not for classes. Hm. Well, I guess the first six months of that year would’ve given me a non-sneeze-worthy reading list, at least. And, hey, I’d get to put In the Company of the Courtesan on there :D . I’d certainly have an obscene percentage of my readings falling into “nonfiction.”

      Kudos on actually logging your readings; I keep vaguely thinking I should. I must say, though, I’m really impressed by the paranormal romance tally… if not surprised (*dodges slap*). Heehee.

    2. blotterpaper said

      Hey chile, whatever yo, paranormal romance is the cat’s pajamas.

      You can read one in like two hours too. You just have to accept that the first book _will_ always be the best, and then they’ll get steadily crazier and more unrealistic (not that they started off that realistic in the first place), until you stop buying them.

      Yeah, logging your reading was something I always wanted to do, but you got to do it at the beginning of the year or it’s just unsatisfying. I really wish I’d been logging my reading since I started reading. That would be sweet. Now I will never ever be able to capture, numerically, my peak reading years.

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